mr smooth jazz

After several years of not dating, one tends to feel (and act) like a teenager again.

And since I had "fallen" into relationships in the past, I guess I never really had dated before. In a sense, my dating age was about 15.

So this was one of my first dates with someone I'd met online. My criteria at the time was that I would give just about anyone who was interested in me a try.

He was nice looking enough. He was about my age. He had his own jazz show on a local radio station.

Jazz is one of my favorite types of music. I prefer to sing while driving in my car to such jazz and blues songstresses as Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald, , Etta James and Aretha Franklin. Some people sing in the shower but I like to sing in my car, not really caring what others may think (and hoping they find me amusing)as this white girl with soul belts it out on the highways. I'm thinking I sound pretty good until I turn down the volume to find that it really is Aretha that sounds sooo good.

Anyhow, so he was a jazz dj. But not the kind of jazz I like. Is Kenny G really jazz?
While working in the music section at Barnes and Noble, I was trying to figure out where to file him. I decided it was best to file him in the trashcan, not under jazz or easy listening.

So, I met mr smooth jazz at an upscale mall's coffee shop. As he strutted in, I had flashbacks of venus flytrap from WKRP in Cincinnati. He sat down right next to me on the bench rather than on the seat across from me. Had he invaded my personal space anymore, he'd have been sitting on my lap.

He bragged about how I was so lucky to catch him at a good time while he was still single. Yes quite a catch. I didn't really want to catch anything from him because I suspected he'd lost his bedposts from too many notches carved.

We went outside to sit on a bench and so he could really make the moves on me without anyone watching. The cheezwhiz is still clogging my ears from the smooth lines he laid on me. I thought to myself, does this still really work on anyone? And I can't believe that a 40 something guy is still acting 20 something.

Outloud, I told him he was coming on too strong and moved over to the other end of the bench. I said that I wanted to get to know someone a little better before I become intimate.

So we strolled down the mall and chatted for about 5 minutes before he said "let's get outta here" With a look of perplexion, I asked "why" and "where?" "BAck to my place he cooed.

As I looked around for the hidden cameras (is this a joke?)and wondered if my ad had accidently been placed in the "escort" section. I told him I thought we were looking for two different things. I said that I was looking to know someone here, pointing to my head and here, pointing to my heart before I got to know him here, pointing to my privates.

Time spent getting ready for date: 1/2 hour
Time spent driving to date: 1/2 hour
Actual time on date: 10 minutes
Time getting over the horror of the date: I'll let you know when I'm over it...cringe!

Mr Smooth Jazz won't be playing me.