A Play A Day & Lysteria: Have a Coke and a ???!

A Play A Day & Lysteria: Have a Coke and a ???!

My last post to this blog

I'm done dating so I'm done blogging about it. I'll let you know when I start another blog on a different subject.

Hope you found the first couple of stories amusing. And hope you didn't find the last one disturbing (like I did.)

UUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will he ever learn but worse still will I ever learn?! I think I got in the biggest fight ever with on again off again guy that I've been dating for the last year.

He was being a jerk and I was being a bitch. I think I've just been treated like shit too much in my life and when I get pissed, I get really pissed and take all that anger from all those years and tell the guy off.

I'm not saying that is real healthy (and I have been in therapy for it before...guess it's time to go back) but it is better than taking it.

But I just cannot seem to "walk away gracefully." No I gotta make a scene and tell him exactly all that he did wrong. I'm usually not a critical person. But when my heart is broken, I just turn into this crazy person that I am ashamed of (and can't believe my own behaviour afterwards.

Granted...again...he was a jerk to me but I just get in a rage. I am just SO damn tired of being treated like this...the audacity...especially at my age (44) I should not have to put up with the same shit I did when I was in my 20s!

And I can't believe a guy who is turning 40 next week is still pulling this shit.

Not to me anymore!

Find a 20 something...maybe she'll put up with it.

I really do like men and I have some several guy friends. But why is it I always pick the jerks to date???

I give up!

I'm joining a convent.

Too bad I'm not religious.

Sorry no amusing funny story with this one. I've lost my sense of humor about dating.

DATE=4 Letter Word

Don't! Run! (Flick You! I always wanted to say that...)

Don't! Run! (Flick You! I always wanted to say that...)
Originally uploaded by shutter.chick

dontrun part 3

Last night we had a fight over the phone and I started to cry. I don't cry that often in front of others but he seems to always bring me to tears. He hates it when I cry and rather than feeling bad or trying to comfort me he ordered me to stop all that unneccessary crying and to go deal with the frustration myself. The frustration that I was feeling and trying to express was because of him though. But he doesn't want to hear it. We've been through this before and he has called me a baby and weak.

This time, I kept crying but knew the whole time that he was the reason I am crying so after we hung up the phone, I sent him a break up text message. He returned one to me that said "go to sleep." What an ass! He was really condescending this time and I am not going to take it anymore.

I told him earlier that this time around with him is the last chance I'm giving him. He just blew it.

I sent a final text message to him that read "you really are an insensitive jerk."

I had a dream last night about a former abusive boyfriend (it was many years ago) and I don't think it is a coincidence. How I felt after last night reminded me of how I used to feel after being emotionally abused.

But the difference this time is that I know he is wrong and I only put up with it for one week. I may still pick the jerks but at least I unload them quickly.

Dontrun part2

So in only one week I went from being treated like a princess to being emotionally pushed off that pedestal. He obviously doesn't know me that well because I don't want to be a princess anyhow but to be treated with respect and as a regular human being.

He went from inviting me to Africa over Christmas with him to not even "committing" to a real date in only a week. He hasn't had any time to see me for two weeks and then after that maybe possibly we can "hook up." I hate that term, especially when we were together he kept saying how beautiful etcetcetc I was holding back and didn't really believe him because I've heard the big sweet talk from him before and he has hurt and disappointed me many times before.

Don't! Run!

I haven't blogged for a long time because I haven't been dating much and not finding much humor in the bad dates lately.

This entry is about Dotun (aka Don't! Run!...thanks to Andrea for the great pun!)

This was my third time around with Dotun. I'll tell you about the other two times some other time. And this one probably won't be as well written, funny and amusing as my other date stories because it is very fresh.

Dotun and I had great chemistry from the start but not compatibility. While opposites attract (in terms of looks as well as personality)do they get along? Not in this case.

A computer analyst and a social worker/artist/nanny...not a good match! Funny that we met on Match.com. I think they should call it fuck.com because it seems like that is all the guys that I have met on that site wanted. I like sex too (with the right person) but that is not all I want. I want much more. If that was all I wanted, I might as well hook up with an 18 year old.

Apparently Dotun thought we were just "hooking up" even though he said many things to lead me to believe otherwise (including calling me his sweetie and his princess...gag! I tried not to laugh when he said this.)

Story to be continued (back to work for me...)

mr smooth jazz

After several years of not dating, one tends to feel (and act) like a teenager again.

And since I had "fallen" into relationships in the past, I guess I never really had dated before. In a sense, my dating age was about 15.

So this was one of my first dates with someone I'd met online. My criteria at the time was that I would give just about anyone who was interested in me a try.

He was nice looking enough. He was about my age. He had his own jazz show on a local radio station.

Jazz is one of my favorite types of music. I prefer to sing while driving in my car to such jazz and blues songstresses as Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald, , Etta James and Aretha Franklin. Some people sing in the shower but I like to sing in my car, not really caring what others may think (and hoping they find me amusing)as this white girl with soul belts it out on the highways. I'm thinking I sound pretty good until I turn down the volume to find that it really is Aretha that sounds sooo good.

Anyhow, so he was a jazz dj. But not the kind of jazz I like. Is Kenny G really jazz?
While working in the music section at Barnes and Noble, I was trying to figure out where to file him. I decided it was best to file him in the trashcan, not under jazz or easy listening.

So, I met mr smooth jazz at an upscale mall's coffee shop. As he strutted in, I had flashbacks of venus flytrap from WKRP in Cincinnati. He sat down right next to me on the bench rather than on the seat across from me. Had he invaded my personal space anymore, he'd have been sitting on my lap.

He bragged about how I was so lucky to catch him at a good time while he was still single. Yes quite a catch. I didn't really want to catch anything from him because I suspected he'd lost his bedposts from too many notches carved.

We went outside to sit on a bench and so he could really make the moves on me without anyone watching. The cheezwhiz is still clogging my ears from the smooth lines he laid on me. I thought to myself, does this still really work on anyone? And I can't believe that a 40 something guy is still acting 20 something.

Outloud, I told him he was coming on too strong and moved over to the other end of the bench. I said that I wanted to get to know someone a little better before I become intimate.

So we strolled down the mall and chatted for about 5 minutes before he said "let's get outta here" With a look of perplexion, I asked "why" and "where?" "BAck to my place he cooed.

As I looked around for the hidden cameras (is this a joke?)and wondered if my ad had accidently been placed in the "escort" section. I told him I thought we were looking for two different things. I said that I was looking to know someone here, pointing to my head and here, pointing to my heart before I got to know him here, pointing to my privates.

Time spent getting ready for date: 1/2 hour
Time spent driving to date: 1/2 hour
Actual time on date: 10 minutes
Time getting over the horror of the date: I'll let you know when I'm over it...cringe!

Mr Smooth Jazz won't be playing me.

My Mail Order Groom

Well, I've had some wierd experiences but I think this one was the most exciting of all! But the wrong kind of excitement. This will probably be my last internet date. The bar has been set so low with this one, it can't get any lower...not even for the most seasoned limbo dancer.

Story in progress...

A Date With Deathstiny?

We had a delightful phone conversation that lasted over an hour. He had an interesting past, which included working for the CIA. As a liberal, I asked isn't it an oxymoron to attend the George Bush Center for Intelligence? I was looking forward to the first date after emailing and having such a delightful conversation.

My expectations to be picked up by James Bond were dashed when his 007mobile had broken down. So I had to drive.

When I picked him up, I hope the disappointment didn't show on my face as I saw that the "few pounds" he had gained since the photograph made him look more Marlon Brando-esque(the pre-death years not the dashing young stud years.)

I'm not a small woman by any means but at least I'm healthy ("sturdy" as my sister calls me) and I am in really good shape. I can't help it if I'm genetically cursed with the big-girl genes. At least I can wear the small big girl jeans. I love going to Lane Bryant because it's the only place were I can feel like a petite little flower. I'm an extra small fat chick.

But there's big and then there's BIG. As he hobbled to my car on his swim-shoe- wearing, fallen arched feet,he told me about how he had just found out that his best friend had died 10 minutes ago. The evening was only beginning. It went downhill from there. Yes hard to believe that was starting on a good note.

I thought, well at least he has a great sense of humor and I thought the evening could be salvaged with the start of a friendship.

As he ate his meat-ka-bob and I nibbled on my rice and beans, I saw the sweat trickle down his forehead. I thought...heh I know I'm hot and exciting...but really try to play it cool guy.

That is when I realized that he was starting to politely choke. He asked where the bathroom was and it was through the dingy kitchen and up the narrow steep rickety stairs. He managed to make it there and back... only to have him excuse himself to go outside and throw up.

He wanted to know if I'd mind if we called it an evening (would I mind...are you kidding me...no I wanted the night to seem like it would never end.)

As I dropped him off at his place, he wanted to know if I'd send him a naked photo of myself over the internet and call him when I got home.

When I told my Mom about this date, she said "you don't want a date who's half dead."

DATE IS A 4 LETTER WORD

I have been told that I should be a writer because my life is stranger than fiction.

The past few years, after a long intentional dry spell/reprieve from dating, I started to meet guys online and one story is more outrageous than the other. I could not make up stuff like this!

Everything is fodder for my sick sense of humor.

So where do I start?